Do You Remember?
Once we were young
and very much in love.
Or so we did think.
You and me on your bike,
on near empty roads in the night.
We sped past sleeping houses
me holding you tight.
Splashing thru dirty water in the rain
you whistled old hindi songs;
and I sat behind you
eyes closed, my face lifted up.
Remember, we sat on the roadsides
drinking tea out of small plastic cups.
And sharing that plate of oily noodles
at our favorite chinese stall.
Sometimes when we had a lil spare cash
we went to a "real" restaurant.
We dressed in our best and of course
the table was booked in advance.
And on one such occasion, we met a couple
seemingly everything we were afraid to be.
Dead eyes, grim mouths, that joyless air;
munching the meal in complete silence.
Remember the shudder we had supressed
and how we had seeked each other's hands ?
Looking deeply into each others' eyes
we had known, we had smiled.
Do you remember?
Once we were young
and we were "special".
Or so we did think.
[As we sit at the Smoky Lounge
glazed eyes, frozen smiles;
That joyless air, Drinks in hand
loud music blaring in the background]
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
The Isolated World of Mine
I live in my mind,
an isolated space;
Created selectively,
marked clearly,
defended strongly.
I go about my living,
ignoring, dreaming,working.
My isolated space,
lone sane spot in a world gone mad.
But sometimes the walls,
all of them come crumbling down.
Say when I read about the
rape of five year old child.
The pretense is then not so easy,
and the walls just not high enough.
They are there; at my doorstep,
and insanity just below the surface.
But I live on;
Ignore, forget, erase.
And I retreat into that
Isolated world of mine.
an isolated space;
Created selectively,
marked clearly,
defended strongly.
I go about my living,
ignoring, dreaming,working.
My isolated space,
lone sane spot in a world gone mad.
But sometimes the walls,
all of them come crumbling down.
Say when I read about the
rape of five year old child.
The pretense is then not so easy,
and the walls just not high enough.
They are there; at my doorstep,
and insanity just below the surface.
But I live on;
Ignore, forget, erase.
And I retreat into that
Isolated world of mine.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Vikram Seth
From Vikram Chandra to another famous Vikram; Vikram Seth. In my opinion, he is a delight to read and I think he is a genius at creating just the right setting for his characters. I have read two of his books; "A Suitable Boy" and "An Equal Music". These two books could not have been more different. "Suitable Boy" has a huge canvas, a long list of characters and the book is set in the early 60's (as far as I remember) in different cities in India. The story begins with a wedding and ends with another and has everything possible in between. On the other hand, "An Equal Music" is an intimate book about a handful of British musicians set mostly in London. It is a personal story about a love found, lost and found again and it is about music. And I feel Seth has done a great job in both the books.Indian politics in 60's, Hindu Muslim college romance, Zamindari act, concerts in Vienna, the decaying of life in a small British town, Indo-Pak partition, abuse, music, Bach, thumri; Seth paints a real good picture in both the books. Suitable Boy is a real long book but the flow is smooth and characters very realistic. Though the ending is a bit lame, ASB is a good read. And I think as this is more of slice-of-life kind of story, there could not have been a great ending to it anyways. "An Equal Music" has lots of detailed discussions about music and there are a lot of technicalities also in the book; but somehow it does matter much. I mean I know nothing at all about Bach or violins or tunings or scales and I read each and every word in the book and never felt that the writer is getting too technical. Vikram Seth has expressed his thanks to a lot of people including two musicians at the end and that set me thinking about the process of writing. I think it is very difficult to research for a book and I often wonder does it not in a way take away from the creative process.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Some Indian Writing
Grown up on diet of Enid Blytons, Nancy Drews and Hardy Boys with an occasional Chandamama and Twinkle thrown in, I am not exactly proud of my awareness regarding Indian literature contemprory or otherwise. Yeah I have read Rushdie and Ms Roy but then somehow have the feeling that it does not count.
So these days I am on a mission, if u can call it that to read Indian authors. I bought two books by Vikram Chandra; his novel "Red Earth and Pouring Rain" (reviewed in the previous post) and a collection of short stories titled "Love and longing in Bombay".As the name implies, all the stories are set in Bombay. I was not too impressed with the collection somehow except the story "Kama".The protaganist in this story is a gay who is working for a two-member software company that has just sold its first product and is facing a critical issue on it. The characters are realistic and the story touches upon a lot of issues. It is about gay love, about the longings for one's own house in mumbai, communalism in mumbai(can Indian writers' ever escape the hindu-muslim aspect in any of their writings) and about the shadow of the underworld. I liked the way the realtionship between the protaganist and his boss is handled. His boss is a workaholic, smart, beautiful, divorced mother of a child who has let out one room in her house to a bohemian painter.Though her relationship with the painter is not the focus of the story but the writer gives us enuf glimpses into it and makes it seem very real. The protaganist makes fun of the artsy world of painters but is also aware of the strange hold "beauty" has on all of us.Though the writer does not dwell too much into the communalism and the underworld theme but just makes you aware about these two hovering over the story and impacting it in an important way. There was another story I found interesting in parts. It was about a inspector in mumbai(of course) who is trying to solve a murder case. The other stories did not impress much. So, in case you find this book lying somewhere, read the story "kama". Thatz my reco for the day!
So these days I am on a mission, if u can call it that to read Indian authors. I bought two books by Vikram Chandra; his novel "Red Earth and Pouring Rain" (reviewed in the previous post) and a collection of short stories titled "Love and longing in Bombay".As the name implies, all the stories are set in Bombay. I was not too impressed with the collection somehow except the story "Kama".The protaganist in this story is a gay who is working for a two-member software company that has just sold its first product and is facing a critical issue on it. The characters are realistic and the story touches upon a lot of issues. It is about gay love, about the longings for one's own house in mumbai, communalism in mumbai(can Indian writers' ever escape the hindu-muslim aspect in any of their writings) and about the shadow of the underworld. I liked the way the realtionship between the protaganist and his boss is handled. His boss is a workaholic, smart, beautiful, divorced mother of a child who has let out one room in her house to a bohemian painter.Though her relationship with the painter is not the focus of the story but the writer gives us enuf glimpses into it and makes it seem very real. The protaganist makes fun of the artsy world of painters but is also aware of the strange hold "beauty" has on all of us.Though the writer does not dwell too much into the communalism and the underworld theme but just makes you aware about these two hovering over the story and impacting it in an important way. There was another story I found interesting in parts. It was about a inspector in mumbai(of course) who is trying to solve a murder case. The other stories did not impress much. So, in case you find this book lying somewhere, read the story "kama". Thatz my reco for the day!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Yesterday
Yesterday I decided to clean my bedside drawer. It had been a long time I cleaned it and it was becoming nearly impossible to find anything in that. It was the usual stuff I find everytime I clean my purse (fortunately on a monthly basis). ATM slips which I always save and never look at again; movie tickets; bills; medicines never consumed and so on. And I also found one of my scribbling books there; the one I had forgotten about. I scribble a lot; a few lines which might later develop into a poem or some phrase that springs up in my mind. I write a lot of letters; the kind of letters that are never given to the concerned person. I also make a lot of to-do lists and jot down reminders for myself. And I ususally have two three books lying around my house for this purpose. I started fipping through the one I found; and there it was.
There it was; your name and just your name on a clean sheet of paper. I instantly remembered the moment I had written that. It had been a few months back on a long rainy evening. The rain had depressed me and overwhelmed me that day. The restlessness had been too overpowering and I had decided to write a letter for you. I wrote your name and then I could write no more. How do I start a letter addressed to you? And what do I possibly fill up those pages with? And what words can I use? So I had just let it be; your name on a blank sheet of paper...
And yesterday I tore that page.
There it was; your name and just your name on a clean sheet of paper. I instantly remembered the moment I had written that. It had been a few months back on a long rainy evening. The rain had depressed me and overwhelmed me that day. The restlessness had been too overpowering and I had decided to write a letter for you. I wrote your name and then I could write no more. How do I start a letter addressed to you? And what do I possibly fill up those pages with? And what words can I use? So I had just let it be; your name on a blank sheet of paper...
And yesterday I tore that page.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Red Earth and Pouring Rain - A kinda review
This really sucks, sucks BIG time. I am not able to post the entire thing in one go and so I had to break it in three parts but this is hopefully the last in the series and it is a Book Review kind of blog.
Back to the title of the post, the book “Red Earth and Pouring Rain" is a celebration of the art of story telling. It has multiple stories interweaved among themselves; multiple people telling their stories and stories within other stories. A monkey, two teachers and Abhay (whoz just returned from his studies in US) are narrating their stories to ward off Yama, the God of death who has come to take the monkey's soul. Yes, it is an implausible premise but leads to some rather good stories. The stories vary from the high school American romance to the experiences of a desi to the story of a Rajput princess to Ramayana to the story of English subjugation of India and to the life of a porn actress. Abhay's stories were my favorite though they dealt with the experiences of a desi in US; a subject that has been done to death and lends itself to a lot of stereotyping. But I liked them because I could relate to them in some way and maybe because they were set in the present time. Dr. Sarthey's story was dark, morbid and good while Tom's(Abhay's American friend) was like one of those "Wonder Year" kind of shows; a not-so-rich geeky/nerdy guy falls for the rich and beautiful temptress and it leads to the inevitable heartbreak and then self-realization but it was a good read nevertheless. I think I need to read the book again because I read it in a hurry, anxious to know where the story leads to and I actually did not stop and savor the reading experience but I would recommend this book to anyone who likes stories.
Back to the title of the post, the book “Red Earth and Pouring Rain" is a celebration of the art of story telling. It has multiple stories interweaved among themselves; multiple people telling their stories and stories within other stories. A monkey, two teachers and Abhay (whoz just returned from his studies in US) are narrating their stories to ward off Yama, the God of death who has come to take the monkey's soul. Yes, it is an implausible premise but leads to some rather good stories. The stories vary from the high school American romance to the experiences of a desi to the story of a Rajput princess to Ramayana to the story of English subjugation of India and to the life of a porn actress. Abhay's stories were my favorite though they dealt with the experiences of a desi in US; a subject that has been done to death and lends itself to a lot of stereotyping. But I liked them because I could relate to them in some way and maybe because they were set in the present time. Dr. Sarthey's story was dark, morbid and good while Tom's(Abhay's American friend) was like one of those "Wonder Year" kind of shows; a not-so-rich geeky/nerdy guy falls for the rich and beautiful temptress and it leads to the inevitable heartbreak and then self-realization but it was a good read nevertheless. I think I need to read the book again because I read it in a hurry, anxious to know where the story leads to and I actually did not stop and savor the reading experience but I would recommend this book to anyone who likes stories.
Red Earth and Pouring Rain (contd.)
Continued from last post as I was having problems in posting the rest of the blog.
Anyways coming back to what I started with; I picked up Vikram Chandra's "Red Earth and Pouring Rain" along with a collection of his short stories titled "Love and Longing in Mumbai" at a 50% sale at "Odyssey". I was congratulating myself on getting a good bargain but the joy was short lived. All the pages of "REPR" have come out and the book is in tatters. I am reading the book by holding one page at a time though I must say it much easier on my hands this way. Talking about bargains reminds me of this really funny list I read yesterday in the latest edition of Readers' Digest (Sep, 05). It lists that should be but are not a part of the English language. The funniest word in the list, in my opinion was "Boastbuster - a person who when asked to guess how cheaply you bought something or the size of your salary jump gives a figure so extreme that your story falls completely flat". Man, such agony!! I am sure that this has happened to everyone some time or other. Another favorite was "Veriflycation" (Can you guess what it is?).
Anyways coming back to what I started with; I picked up Vikram Chandra's "Red Earth and Pouring Rain" along with a collection of his short stories titled "Love and Longing in Mumbai" at a 50% sale at "Odyssey". I was congratulating myself on getting a good bargain but the joy was short lived. All the pages of "REPR" have come out and the book is in tatters. I am reading the book by holding one page at a time though I must say it much easier on my hands this way. Talking about bargains reminds me of this really funny list I read yesterday in the latest edition of Readers' Digest (Sep, 05). It lists that should be but are not a part of the English language. The funniest word in the list, in my opinion was "Boastbuster - a person who when asked to guess how cheaply you bought something or the size of your salary jump gives a figure so extreme that your story falls completely flat". Man, such agony!! I am sure that this has happened to everyone some time or other. Another favorite was "Veriflycation" (Can you guess what it is?).
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Red Earth and Pouring Rain
I have been reading this book by Vikram Chandra for the last week or so. I picked it up in a 50% sale last weekend at "Odyssey" a bookstore cum gift shop cum stationery shop cum cafe which serves some rather nice sandwiches and sizzlers. And the best thing about the cafe is that you can read as you eat. You can pick up a book from a small selection that is displayed and read as much as you want to. In my opinion, nothing beats the good book and coffee combination.
Though this shop has been there since quite some time but I discovered it some weekends back when I was bored and had nothing to do. Hubby was heading towards one of the pubs to catch the F1 action on the big screen with his buddies and I was not very keen on it. So I asked him to drop me at this place. It had rained a little and the weather was great; I ordered for a latte and settled down with a slim volume titled "All about men and women" or something like that. It was a collection of short writings by Indian men and women. It was serious in parts but mostly hilarious; a cheeky statement about the gender equation in urban India. Good weather, good coffee and most importantly a good piece of writing, I could not have asked for anything better. It is amazing the kind of peace I feel when I am engrossed in reading something. In the business of everyday living and going through the motions of living, there are some moments when you think that "Aha!! this IS Life"; reading something good or watching a good movie or even listening to a good song always makes me feel that way.
The following lines from a favorite song come to mind
ye aasaman ye baadal ye raaste ye havaa
har ek chiiz hai apani jagah thikaane pe
kai dino se shikaayat nahin zamaane se
Though this shop has been there since quite some time but I discovered it some weekends back when I was bored and had nothing to do. Hubby was heading towards one of the pubs to catch the F1 action on the big screen with his buddies and I was not very keen on it. So I asked him to drop me at this place. It had rained a little and the weather was great; I ordered for a latte and settled down with a slim volume titled "All about men and women" or something like that. It was a collection of short writings by Indian men and women. It was serious in parts but mostly hilarious; a cheeky statement about the gender equation in urban India. Good weather, good coffee and most importantly a good piece of writing, I could not have asked for anything better. It is amazing the kind of peace I feel when I am engrossed in reading something. In the business of everyday living and going through the motions of living, there are some moments when you think that "Aha!! this IS Life"; reading something good or watching a good movie or even listening to a good song always makes me feel that way.
The following lines from a favorite song come to mind
ye aasaman ye baadal ye raaste ye havaa
har ek chiiz hai apani jagah thikaane pe
kai dino se shikaayat nahin zamaane se
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Lines for thot
Source:Unknown
Does it help to know that the web is cast around all ? That we are not alone in bearing the weight of it all. And that the prison is well populated with our fellow beings. The commune of shattered dreams. Perhaps it adds a new dimension to our insignificance. Cogs in the wheel of despair.
But how does one explain the beauty ? The obstinate refusal of hope to die away. Of the heart to continue to beat. The sweet seduction of life. Where from did that come from ? Whats our true nature in this merry go round ?
Does it help to know that the web is cast around all ? That we are not alone in bearing the weight of it all. And that the prison is well populated with our fellow beings. The commune of shattered dreams. Perhaps it adds a new dimension to our insignificance. Cogs in the wheel of despair.
But how does one explain the beauty ? The obstinate refusal of hope to die away. Of the heart to continue to beat. The sweet seduction of life. Where from did that come from ? Whats our true nature in this merry go round ?
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Goodbyes are so difficult
I dread that final moment. I spend so many agonizing moments thinking about that one moment when I will say "Goodbye" to a dear friend. But the moment itself is an anti-climax. Things to finish, trains/planes to catch and loose ends to be tied up. There is no time to say anything and it is just a hug and a wave and sometimes not even that.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
My Failed Writings and the Excuse Also!!
So you can see the last post "Attempted Quick Tales"; yeah I know there is no content in that. And that is because I have not be able to write any quick tales. My friends have obliged and their lists are:
DK's list : love, hate, compassion.
Alo's list: sleep,eye-witness, advance
travel,astonish,growth
AJ's list: appreciation, apathy, courage
S's List : palace, joy, distant
5 lists and no story.
It is proving to much more difficult than I anticipated. Moreover, I am running short of time. I am not one of those immensely talented people who can spin a yarn anytime and anywhere. I need to get into the mood for writing. I need to sit with a dreamy expression on my face and a pen and paper in hand and I need to think.Think hard; let my imagination run wild.
This dependence on pen and paper is become a real nuisance in this e-world. Somehow, I just can not bring myself to write anything creative without a pen and paper. I need to chew on my pen; write a few lines, cut them out, write again, edit my words, add a few notes for myself on the margin, change a word and so on. The creative process is complex and the word documents, the wordpads and the notepads fall woefully short of sparking my imagination. I can't chew the mouse, can I? I know I can always change the words on my monitor and edit my sentences but then I lose the history of my work. There is nothing about a Word Document that makes it uniquely mine;not even the handwriting. There is something very cold and impersonal about writing on the system. Nothing beats the feel of a crumpled yellowed piece of paper with random jottings preserved from years ago; would a saved word document on a floppy have the same impact.Never, in my opinion.
Am I just too old-fashioned? Maybe I am!!
DK's list : love, hate, compassion.
Alo's list: sleep,eye-witness, advance
travel,astonish,growth
AJ's list: appreciation, apathy, courage
S's List : palace, joy, distant
5 lists and no story.
It is proving to much more difficult than I anticipated. Moreover, I am running short of time. I am not one of those immensely talented people who can spin a yarn anytime and anywhere. I need to get into the mood for writing. I need to sit with a dreamy expression on my face and a pen and paper in hand and I need to think.Think hard; let my imagination run wild.
This dependence on pen and paper is become a real nuisance in this e-world. Somehow, I just can not bring myself to write anything creative without a pen and paper. I need to chew on my pen; write a few lines, cut them out, write again, edit my words, add a few notes for myself on the margin, change a word and so on. The creative process is complex and the word documents, the wordpads and the notepads fall woefully short of sparking my imagination. I can't chew the mouse, can I? I know I can always change the words on my monitor and edit my sentences but then I lose the history of my work. There is nothing about a Word Document that makes it uniquely mine;not even the handwriting. There is something very cold and impersonal about writing on the system. Nothing beats the feel of a crumpled yellowed piece of paper with random jottings preserved from years ago; would a saved word document on a floppy have the same impact.Never, in my opinion.
Am I just too old-fashioned? Maybe I am!!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Monday, August 08, 2005
Quick Tales
Visit this site for Ammani's delightful quick tales. Short and not usually sweet, they pack in quite a powerful punch.
As a fund raising campaign, she has invited her readers to send her three random words and she will spin a tale out of it. I think it is a great idea. So, I have also invited my friends to mail me three random words and let us see how I fare.
Update: The site is no longer working :-(
As a fund raising campaign, she has invited her readers to send her three random words and she will spin a tale out of it. I think it is a great idea. So, I have also invited my friends to mail me three random words and let us see how I fare.
Update: The site is no longer working :-(
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Read an Amazing Blog today!!!
Read this beautiful blog by Kanurite today.
I loved the protaganist, loved the lyrical prose and particularly loved the poem (in italics) used in the post. I have a liking for poetic prose; for the abstract pictures painted by words and for the lyrical prose that flows ooh-so-smoothly. Maybe that is why I liked this piece of writing. And also because I could relate to the protaganist who is kind of confused about what she wants in life.
This post also touches upon the daily rituals we all have. Yeah they are comforting most of the times but at times they make me very frustated and restless. Sometimes we do not want to conform, just do not want to conform. We do not want to get up and read the paper first-thing-in the morning like so many people we know. So we go out for a ride on the bike every morning before dawn and watch the sunrise. But does it not soon become just another mundane habit and do we not become a prisoner of our own desire to be different. A strong consious desire of not wanting to conform more often than not leads to total conformation.
This is somehow like the Hindi film industry where everyone wants to be hatke (different) and wants to make movies which are different from the usual run-of-the-mil. But then a new stereotype of hatke movies has emerged; Ram Gopal Varma's movies being a good example of this genre. Well I am hindi movie buff so more on this trend later.
I loved the protaganist, loved the lyrical prose and particularly loved the poem (in italics) used in the post. I have a liking for poetic prose; for the abstract pictures painted by words and for the lyrical prose that flows ooh-so-smoothly. Maybe that is why I liked this piece of writing. And also because I could relate to the protaganist who is kind of confused about what she wants in life.
This post also touches upon the daily rituals we all have. Yeah they are comforting most of the times but at times they make me very frustated and restless. Sometimes we do not want to conform, just do not want to conform. We do not want to get up and read the paper first-thing-in the morning like so many people we know. So we go out for a ride on the bike every morning before dawn and watch the sunrise. But does it not soon become just another mundane habit and do we not become a prisoner of our own desire to be different. A strong consious desire of not wanting to conform more often than not leads to total conformation.
This is somehow like the Hindi film industry where everyone wants to be hatke (different) and wants to make movies which are different from the usual run-of-the-mil. But then a new stereotype of hatke movies has emerged; Ram Gopal Varma's movies being a good example of this genre. Well I am hindi movie buff so more on this trend later.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Cheers!!!
Today is 2nd August, 2005 and I have created "My Space"; this new blog.
Sulekha was my introduction to the world of blogging around two years back and now I am a part of the wonderful blogging community called Dud Sea Scrawls .
But my blogging experiences till now have been more about belonging to a particular blogging community or group of bloggers. I have always posted after considering the "Reading Worthiness" of my posts and the relevence for the group. I have never had the courage to post "nonsense".
So herez this brand new blog which is simply "My Space". A place for my random inane thots and whatever I feel like writing. Life is passing by and there are many moments I want to hold on to; fleeting impressions I want to capture and thots I want to remember. "My Space" is for all of these and my space is all about "Me".
So, herez to me and my space!! Cheers!!
Herez a sample of my writings.
Sulekha was my introduction to the world of blogging around two years back and now I am a part of the wonderful blogging community called Dud Sea Scrawls .
But my blogging experiences till now have been more about belonging to a particular blogging community or group of bloggers. I have always posted after considering the "Reading Worthiness" of my posts and the relevence for the group. I have never had the courage to post "nonsense".
So herez this brand new blog which is simply "My Space". A place for my random inane thots and whatever I feel like writing. Life is passing by and there are many moments I want to hold on to; fleeting impressions I want to capture and thots I want to remember. "My Space" is for all of these and my space is all about "Me".
So, herez to me and my space!! Cheers!!
Herez a sample of my writings.
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